On Being & Staying in Relationship

The past 2 years have brought so much beauty, so much love and belonging to my life. Also a lot of grief, many challenges and a permanent level of intensity that visibly had a toll on my health. Being in an intimate relationship throughout this time definitely enhanced all of these aspects, and I can't yet put into words how much I have learned about what it means to be a 'partner'. How much energy it brings, and how much it requires. In all of this continuous learning and leaning in, I am currently finding moments to step back a little and start understanding what a daring act it is to be and stay in relationship in our day and age.

What happens when 2 (or more) people meet with all of their stories, one foot in a disruptive past, the other in an uncertain future, facing a present that is anything else than stable? How on earth can we find the islands of connection that allow us to truly see and hear one another? Where do we find the energy to see beyond our judgments and cosmologies? I feel so much compassion for anyone deciding to lean in & be intimate these days - and for anyone deciding to move further away from what once felt so 'home'. I feel so much compassion for anyone who blindly leaned into that shared home, neglecting the home that is in one's own body & soul.

These days I am finding new ways of tending this home, and I am realizing how I have been neglecting it to stay in relationship to some extend. Not because anyone forced me to, or because I learned about it in school or social media. Maybe because I have been growing up in a culture where exactly that was a description of love, or what 'being a good partner' means. Maybe because we can't control those wider dymanics we are described into until we break. And break and break.

Until we decide to stumble into the gaps that invite a different way. The gaps in our stories, in the overlaps. In physical touch, and physical distance. A moiree that allows a different response. One of tenderness and curiosity.

I am learning how space is such a critical element of the 'staying' in relationship. How it grows proximity and renders new pathways that call our names. How our belonging grows not obvious but profound and precious, a space to be in and with each others pain, and see through irritations on the surface. Stepping back, I am putting an extended effort to express my needs and my compassion and how to tend to both my and my partner's wounds. And so does he. A shared ecology of communication that is moving in gentle ways. I am so proud to see us grow and support each other.

I can merely attempt to express the shere amount of gratitude I bathe in for being in all of this learning together. I wonder if there is anything more precious than the holding, support, and giving-my-best that I have received over the past two years from the person I'm in an intimate relationship with. My heart is full of love, trust, and possibility.

If you read this, I hope you understand that this is an attempt to sing a song to you, beloved. Here's to our leaning in, here's to our listening, here's to our learning. Here's to our loving. Here's to continuing on this wild journey called life.

Photo by Ashleigh Joy Photography on Unsplash